You know when TJ & I are home we fight. He is constantly challenging me and I find myself so frustrated and disheartened. I want to be a good mom, but there are days I feel like I am constantly yelling and correcting.
After everything TJ's been through, I feel guilty being like this. I want every one of his moments to be happy and positive and full of fun. There are days it just isn't like that.
I went to my aunts last night with TJ and saw him in a different light. Gone was my fighting, stubborn, disobedient child. Instead here was a little boy who was laughing and playing and listening.
So I am wondering why is he the way he is at home. Is it just part of our routine? Is it me? How can I get him to be this cute child for me on a daily basis?
I really have no answers except I think he gets bored at the house. I try to get housework done and he's bored with the same old toys and scenery.
Maybe he's doing it for attention? But isn't that manipulation? He doesn't want Mommy to do what she needs to do, he wants to her to cater to him. I struggle with this. It's a balancing act that I struggle to balance. I need to do things, I need to play with him, it's hard to do both on some days.
It was nice to see TJ being the sweet kid I know he is. If nothing else, today when he acts up I can remind myself that the child tat is so adorable and loving is in there. Hopefully it will help me stay more tempered.
How is my child knows where my buttons are, but I'm still searching for his?
That's just not right.