I've been saying it but I mean it for real. I have students and I really am a Piano Teacher! I'm not just a Mommy, although that's a great thing to be. I'm not just a wife, although that too is a great thing to be. I'm a Piano Teacher, I'm Lori, and I am finally reconnecting to a piece of me that has been lost.
It's been so long since I've taught. Last December TJ was so sick that I was cancelling at least 1 night every week and we were in the hospital December 18th - 22nd. It didn't leave a lot of time to see students.
So finally after 9 months, I'm finally starting to teach again. My first night was Tuesday and it felt so good. It felt natural and it felt right. I had started questioning if I should pursue teaching again or if I should try to find some retail store to hire me. This left me without a doubt, I am a teacher. I've always felt like a teacher, I've always acted as a teacher, and I'm not turning my back on it.
The last 3 years of my life have been so much about TJ. Even before he was sick my life seemed to revolve around him. WHen he started daycare and I had a full teaching schedule I was happier than I'd been for a while. I had time and I had ME back.
After transplant Daycare became an impossiblity and my life's focus became TJ and making sure I did EVERYTHING to keep him healthy. I couldn't even fathom the thought that I could lose my son. My life was him.
Now he's doing better, he's stronger than he's been in over a year and Randy & I finally feel good about me teaching adn being out of the house.
Can I tell you, driving in my car without the distraction of a 3 year old in the back seat is an experience I haven't had it a while. It was weird. I'm so used to the rear view mirror being adjusted down so I can see him, suddenly I can see my whole back window.
I did experience a slight euphoria of freedom on that drive to my students. It was empowering and freeing. I was able to breathe and relax in a way I haven't in a long time. My Time. I don't have that in my day to day life, unless I stay up until 1 AM to get it. No wonder I'm tired every morning
I teach again tonight and I'm really looking forward to it. It's finally a creative outlet for me. I feel like a bad person because after all TJ's been through I want time away from him, but I also think it is healthy for me to have time away from him. The two of us spend 24/7 with each other, he's sick of me too!
I have a piece of me back. It feels good to reconnect with that piece, it's been missing. Now if we can just get to our house! Our environment and life just doesn't reflect who we are. It's OK to visit that for a while, but it's a strain to live in surroundings that don't fit you. It's been a strain for almost a year now. I will be so happy to have TJ, Randy, my teaching, and a home that belongs to us. I keep saying it's coming, it's coming. One more step...